I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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