I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
