I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
