honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
