He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
