He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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