I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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