Are we in a gay sports bar?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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