I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
