we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
