if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
