ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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