I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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