this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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