I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
