Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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