Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
