I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
