My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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