Do you still have your period?
i will never coherently bang her
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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