I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
