you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
