Me too!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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