He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dicks are not precious.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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