It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
