he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
