so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
