evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
