he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
