I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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