I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
