@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
