this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
