Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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