I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
