I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
