Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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