You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
