she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am spending my child support on dildos
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
