Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
