You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
