my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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