Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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