woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
