my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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