Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
