just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
