Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
