There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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