$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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