so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
