My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
