I can text with my tongue
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
