I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
