maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
