You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
