i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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