Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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