I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
