I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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