forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
