So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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