I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
