I could make wine with my vomit
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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