Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
