her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
