i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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