I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
