i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
