where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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