if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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