my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
